Thursday, May 27, 2010
Can there be Asian Princesses??
There isn't a ton of things in life that bother me. Well... I am wrong... there are a few. One of them is the fact that people think that I adopted my daughter. Don't get me wrong here folks... I stand behind adoption 100%, and feel that people are so blessed that adoption is available for people. Heck, there may be a day that I want to adopt. I would not mind another child. I wouldn't mind a playmate for Car... but, for now... I enjoy her completely. When we went to see G in the hospital after his surgery, there was a little lady standing in the elevator. She looked at Car and looked at me and said, *where did you get her?* Come on now!!!!!???? REALLY??? I smiled politely and said, I don't understand. (I really did understand, just playing stupid in hopes she would get my point if she listened to her words... PS... I don't like playing stupid) She smiled and said, my niece is from China, where did you get her? At those moments, I wish to God something smart and witty would just fall out of my mouth... but I feel at a loss at those moments. At least they don't think that I am her grandma any longer and that Amanda is her mom. REALLY???? HA!
What this woman doesn't understand that she is sending a message to my daughter that she stands out in a crowd or does not belong. That could be in such a manner as she doesn't look like me... or... it is obvious that she is Asian American. To me that is rude. I simply think it is uncalled for. On that, I could say that she was elderly. I did not however, point out the fact that she was elderly. It is just life, we are who we are... you know what I mean???
So... for the record... My daughter is Asian American. I am the proud mother of a little girl that is Asian American. I gave birth to my daughter. I can tell you the story of my labor with her... how they took her over a month early thinking I was having a stroke... or how I knew it would be a normal birth since I had normal (vaginal... can I say vaginal in a blog? I guess so... GRIN) birth so when they told me not to eat anything while in labor I didn't listen. I was sending my two older kids to the little snack bar to buy me food and crystal light. It was super bowl Sunday so it was easy to eat the food with nobody noticing as they were ignoring me and watching a football game in my room.... no problem... more food for me. Fruit Loops and crystal light. After 13 being induced at 7am in the morning and being in labor all day and no progression of her being born, even after popping the water bag, they came in when they saw that my bp was stroke level, and they said I would be holding my baby within 30 minutes and then the room filled with people prepping me while my husband went to gown up. I was trying to calm the older kids, especially Amanda, as they really wanted to be there when she was born... something they looked forward to for months... and now ... THIS? Poor kids... and all I kept thinking is Holy Crud... I just ate fruit loops all day long. What the heck am I going to do.... they are surely going to know. OOOOOOHHHHH... stop.... I am sitting here talking to you in an elevator, and don't even really know you... must I feel the need to tell you the story of my birth... or how we had to stay for nearly two weeks as she was in ICU and stopped breathing one night... etc.... ah.... just forget it.
The fact of the matter is... plain and simple... I married a man that is Japanese American. That is where she gets the coloring of her skin, and her cute eyes shaped differently than mine, and that long silky black hair. Her nose is not long and thin like mine... is is cute... like a little button. But if you must know... she looks a lot like me at that age too, despite the obvious, she still looks like me. In fact she looks more like me than the older two, who are not Asian American. Go figure.
This now brings me to a story that still makes me teary. For sis's first birthday we were meeting a lot of people for dinner at Kwon's for dinner. We were so excited. People were invited... presents bought... we were anticipating the great day. I went to Costco to order her a cake. They do make the best cakes you know... you must try one if you have not... my favorite is the carrot cake... so good. So... we looked though the cake designes... and there it was...what I needed... a princess cake. Our daughter, the princess needed a princess cake. I stood by the side for a moment trying to get an employees attention. He came over. I asked how I would write it in the form for them to understand that I wanted the frosting tinted to a light brown color and the hair to be black. He said very matter of factly... we don't do that. I said, surely you could do that... you have chocolate frosting just add a smidgen of it into the frosting to make it look darker... easy peasy mac and cheesy as Carlie would say. He said, no, we don't do that. I said, I want to have this princess cake for my daughter's birthday and you will not make it resemble her even a little bit???? I left there defeated.
G did a lot of research in our area, which was not difficult due to his position. He found the number of people in our community that are of color. Not a large percentage but significant enough for them to meet the needs of them as well. Come on, not only are we all consumers, but we are all people... humans... equality... or am I wrong here? Am I way off base? He sent the letter in to the founder and CEO of Costco. He immediately got ahold of G and told him that this is not a way that Costco conducts business and that he would make sure that the situation is resolved by having the manager of our Costco call and fix the situation. He did within a day or two. G put me on the phone to talk to him since G was not there when this happened. He asked me... was there not a color on the color chart that matched her skin close enough. WHAT??? Are you kidding... what color chart. I was not told of a color chart. This is frustrating now. He explained that what should have happened is a color chart should have been presented and we could choose from that what color was best. WELL Fantastic. That is what we wanted... to make sure that princesses didn't just have to come in the form of being caucasion. We were satified with this. This one man made a mistake... not Costco corporation. Fast forward to the following years. I am shopping for her birthday cake... Costco really does have the best cakes... lol.... and I ask for the color chart... they all look at me like I am crazy. Back to the drawing board. UHHHHHH....
Let me close this by simply saying... I gave birth to my daughter... read previous paragraphs... and... she is my little princess, as you don't have to be caucasion to be a princess....