What would you do for the price of love?

It has been a few days since I have sat down and blogged... starting to notice it when my thoughts shift back again and again that I need to get here and get some things done. Now this does not mean I have not been cooking... as I have. I actually had a disaster recipe. I have read it again and again to see what I was missing, what I did wrong, and for the life of me, I am not able to find it. I am not sure I want to try that recipe again. Perhaps I need new baking soda? I was a bit bummed as my last failed recipe to this degree was in like the seventh grade... so I wasn't a happy gal.

I have been going through some things with my son... or rather... the house my son lives in for disabled adults. One really has to keep an eye on them as it is very easy to get taken advantage of the people within the home. I sit and think of all of the young adults that don't have someone there to help them with their voices that often are left unheard. It is amazing to me how this would happen, and so very sad. I start getting gloomy. I start getting disheartened by how it all goes... how we seem to always have to fight for those we love.... why are they not treated with just as much dignity and respect. I will continue to fight for my son's rights... even when they tell me to be silent. I will continue to stand for his rights, even if I am the only standing against a sea of people against me. This is my son. He didn't ask to be born this way. I will not back down. Until the last breath I breathe, I will advocate for my son's needs.

I have been keeping in very close contact with a friend of mine. She is a young lady, a mother, a friend. Her mother lives in another state, and the love she has for her mother is like many feel, strong, and confident. Her father lives in a nearby town, and she loves him as well... but there are issues.

I am withholding the names as this is real... this is so real.... and it has touched my heart. I have learned something new. I am going to learn from this and let it make me a stronger person and friend.

My friend... the kind of friend that never cries. We are so alike, yet so much different. She is strong, I am weak. She can hide her feelings, I can't. God, I so wish I had that ability... but not me... I am the crier... the cry til your nose runs kind of gal.

This young lady has taken on the responsibility to the best of her ability to lead her brother back to a sober life. Sober... what do I mean by sober? Her brother started using a cough and cold syrup to get high, a little bit over a year ago. I am not worried about the circumstances. We all need an escape, and this was his escape? What was this boy like before the self medicating? I am not sure... I didn't know him... but I do know my friends strengths and abilities and they are from the same cloth... so I am assuming that this young man had the same qualities. Right?! I mean, of course. I have seen photos. I have gone through the photos... all the photos she has. He was young. He was handsome. He had a smile on his face. He was surrounded by friends. He had great teeth. He looked, groomed... nice clothes... cared about his appearance. He was a typical teen and young man... we see them everywhere. I am not sure what happened after that, and I am not sure anyone does. However, he got into using meth to get to that escape. Is he a bad kid? No... not at all... never. Is he a confused young man? Probably! I mean aren't we all? We all are. Even as adults... we might seem like we have it all together. Our friends might look at us as strong and as an example of whatever normal might be... and yet, every one of us... even you, has a part of us, that is broken. It might be needing to be in control. It might be not knowing who we are as a person, rather than a mom, or a sister, etc....

So when I got to meet this young man... I went to court with my friend. There had been a disturbance and he was arrested. Nothing big... he didn't stab anyone... he didn't do a drive by... just a disturbance. He had to stay in jail over the weekend until he could go before the judge on Monday. I went with her... for support. The night before, since sis was out of town, I went and met her for a quick drink. She was so matter of fact... these were the charges... this is what is happening... she was getting him help into drug rehab when he was released. She is young. As young as my daughter... and here she was, not only his sister... but a woman that cared enough to not give up. They say we need to let them hit rock bottom. How the hell do we know someones rock bottom? Seriously... WTH? Is rock bottom being homeless or can it go beyond? Can it be taking one's life? It happens all the time. You can turn your back and think I am ridiculous... but this is a real question. How would I know when my son's rock bottom was? Would I just step out of the way and let him be suicidal? Or either of my daughters? NO! HELL NO. And although I can't be with them every waking hour... I would remind them, daily, how much I really love them... how special they are... how they have a purpose... how I love them so very much..... So here she is... the pillar of strength. She pulls out her phone to show a photo of her brother to us. First it was a mug shot... and those are really hard to really tell how someone looks.... and then, there was one of the BEFORE PHOTOS. Was she drunk? Certainly not... in fact so far from it... yet... here was this wall of strength crumbling around her... where I saw my friend in such a raw and tender form. She cried for the brother that she so loves. She cried for the memories of her and him growing up as children... vacationing, living in Mexico, moving to Vegas. I am sure holidays must have run through her mind... being his older sister, and his protector.... and yet, I can tell you that if anyone did something to harm this young woman, they would see the rage of her protector of a brother.

I am not trying to glorify an addiction, and not one of this extent. I was telling her, that we all have addictions... every single one of us. Some are maybe good for our bodies... like a physical sport... some may be sewing or crafting... some may be reading... some may be shopping... gambling, smoking... sex... shall I go on? Some may be secluding themselves from the world. We all have addictions that take us to a safer place in our minds, an escape. Some are worse for our bodies than others... but are any of them ever really good? Is the single mother out drinking on the weekends to escape motherhood for a few hours any better than someone doing drugs? Is someone putting quarter or penny after penny in the slots looking for the next win any better? Is the woman that makes next to nothing waiting tables running from yard sale to yard sale looking for the next score on a great deal although she doesn't need another thing any better? I think not. Maybe better for the body physically, but again, an obsession... an issue of control... it is not good. I am side tracked again... here she sat... a bubbling mess... JUST LIKE I DO! Her walls crumbled and for once, she wasn't the wall. She was a hurting sister reaching for answers. She was a person that loved her brother and would do ANYTHING to help him. That was always evident but not so raw. NOW... she was raw.

We went to court. He was released with a court date. He would now be going home with his sister. She was so upset as the court was by television. He was at the jail and the judge was in the courthouse. She wasn't able to sit in the place where he would be able to see her via television. We sat... we waited... and we whispered questions to each other waiting... and... we sent good healing vibes. We thought about nothing but her brother. We weren't on the floor shouting the praises of Jesus with our hands in the air. We weren't defensive to those around us about him being innosent and we weren't remarking on what an asshole the judge was as some of the people behind us did. In fact, he was the kindest judge I have ever met... not that I have met too many... but he was kind and really tried to protect the rights of the inmates and not throw them under the bus. They really were innocent until proven guilty. We just sat in silence... and thought about this young man... that needs help.

His name was called... he walked to the podium and he spoke clearly. His words were like music to our ears. He was not irratic. Meth can make people do things that are not of them. He did not do this. He spoke strong, and he spoke confident. He spoke respectfully. In fact out of all nine people seen that day, he did the best job. It was evident, that under the drugs... he is so the same cloth of my dear, sweet friend.

We headed to the jail for his release. They said it would take an hour... it took three and a half. We sat... we ate jelly beans... we went and picked up Chinese food for our families and for her brother. She thought of his favorite dish and had it waiting for him. We were stressed about the long wait... but, we were there. She made calls to her family. She waited. We went to pick up the Chinese food ... we were running late... and when we got back, as she walked up the sidewalk, she saw her brother, and she said... there he is. He walked up to her and hugged her with a term of endearment. He said to her, in a somewhat calm, but also, kind of a nervous state... I thought you turned against me. I saw her face... and the look was of reassurance and grace to this young man, needing some sort of love at the moment. Is he proud? I think not. He told us over and over on our way home he was never doing that stuff again. Do we know better? Of course we do. That is what meth does. Within a day or two, his behaviors returned. It could be lack of sleep as he wasn't using. However, she also knew she needed to do what was best for him... and what was best for her family... and that was to send her brother back home to her mom. That is courage... I know she wants to help him herself. She knows nobody can right now other than God and rehab. She rounded the money up herself... got him a hotel and found a plane ticket for him... and last night, she took him to the airport.

My thoughts on it all. I am a better person to witness such a love and hope for someone we love. I am a better person to see what drugs can do to someone. They scare me. Drugs scare me so much... I see I need to work on my addictions... do I really need hundreds of cookbooks? Especially with the internet... do I need them??? Nah... nor the best deal around the corner... there is nothing I need in this world but the love of my children. Well I need a coca cola now and again as well. OK OK OK... something else I need to work on...

What do I think of the young man that is her brother. I think he is a child of God. I think I am no better than he is. I think he has so much potential in life. He has this personality that is so approachable. I seriously can see him getting treatment and helping those in need of counseling with drugs... as he will have been there and done that. He is the frame of the young man he used to be physically. He is thinner... way thinner. He still has a square jawline and a drop dead smile... like his sister. He has eyes that want love, as we all do. He has a great laugh. He is cut of good cloth, and I have no doubt that when this young man is ready to make the changes... he is going to be so successful. I look forward to meeting this young man again. He will most likely not remember me. But, I will forever remember him. I am thankful for the lesson I just learned.

To my friend, as you read this... I want you to feel surrounded in love and support... as you did good girly girl... and I am so very proud of the woman that you are... but more importantly... the sister that you are to him.

I love you... Wendy

To the soon to be sober young man...
She needs a son...
She needs a brother...
They need their grandson...
He needs an Uncle...

Get clean buddy... you have the world at your fingertips... We will celebrate... and I will fatten you back up with some cupcakes... SMILE... and I will sit here in silence... rooting you on... as I know you have it in you... you are cut from fine cloth....

Above all, when you feel alone, and troubled... turn it to Jesus... you will never be alone.